be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
