So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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