When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
