It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
