Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
