dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
