I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
