Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize