Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
