The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
