I bet he comes in French.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You ruined the universe
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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