I cockslap morals
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
