I think I won the penis lottery.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
