There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
