operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
