God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
