I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
