why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
