worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
