all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
