Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
