Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
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