Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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