I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
