Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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