in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
