im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
