she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and she was petting her beer can
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
