My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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