sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
