there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
