your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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