I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
