If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
