I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
