Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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