She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
