I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
