he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
