Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
