i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
