so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
