We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
