i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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