so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
