I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
