party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize