im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
