So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize