All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
