I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize