turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
