Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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