You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
