I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
