You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
