well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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