is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
