I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pants 0. Shit 1.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
