I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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