Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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