so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
