While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
