you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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