cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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