Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
