That's intense
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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