adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
