I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
